Doctors and the English Language

I don't know if this has been posted on here before, but it is painfully funny.

Doctors' Comments On Patient Charts:

    * "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."

    * "On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."

    * "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."

    * "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

    * "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."

    * "The patient refused an autopsy."

    * "The patient has no past history of suicides."

    * "Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."

    * "Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."

    * "Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

    * "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

    * "She is numb from her toes down."

    * "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."

    * "The skin was moist and dry."

    * "Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."

    * "Patient was alert and unresponsive."

    * "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."

    * "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."

    * "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."

    * "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

    * "Skin: Somewhat pale but present."

    * "Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."

    * "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."

    * "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."

    * "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

    * "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."

    * "The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."

    * "The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."