I received this from a friend a few years ago. It's probably the work of someone who had nothing better to do than to make up a phony memo (like one of my sisters). However, believe me these expressions are heard every day, and it's not only young people using them. Hope you enjoy!
FROM: Group Offices London
TO: All Spanish Staff
Subject: Improper Language Usage
It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our headquarters that the Spanish staff commonly use offensive language. Such behaviour, in addition to violating our group's policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and the staff itself. Therefore it is requested to our Spanish staff to adhere immediately to the following rules:
Foreign colleagues or visitors should not be referred to as 'mira ese guiri de mierda' or 'passa de ese polaco'.
Words like 'coño', 'hostia' and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion is.
You will not say 'la ha cagao' when someone makes a mistake, or 'la está cagando' if you see someone being reprimanded or '¡qué cagada!' when a major mistake has been made. All direct or derived forms of the verb 'cagar' are inappropiate in our environment.
No Project Manager, Section Supervisor or Head of Administration Chief will be referred to, under any circumstances, as 'el hijo de la gran puta', or 'el muy cabrón' or even 'el lameculos'.
Lack of determination will not be referred to as 'falta de huevos' or 'maricoñazo' nor will persons with a lack of initiative be referred to as 'nenaza' or 'acojonado'.
Unusual and/or creative ideas shall not be referred to as 'pajas mentales', in particular when they stem from your manager.
You will not say 'como me jode' if a person is persistent, or 'está jodido' or 'le van a joder' if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, when matters become complicated the words 'qué jodienda' should not be used.
When asking someone to leave you alone you must not say 'vete a tomar por culo' or 'vete a la mieeeeeerda', nor should you substitute the most educated 'Can I help you?' with '¿qué coño quieres ahora?' or 'que te ayude tu puta madre'.
Last, but not least, after reading this note, please do not say 'me voy a limpiar el culo con ella' or 'me paso por el forro de los cojones'. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.
P.S. If this note does not achieve its goal to improve the Spanish staff's language, it can always be used as a Spanish course!
